Posted on 2006.08.15 at 17:36
I'm moving to Vancouver. In three weeks. Probably the 6th, maybe the 5th.
I'm so excited, World. I can't wait to lay my head down every night on the other side of the country.
I hope you're excited for me too. I'm so in love with everything.
Bursting at the seams,
Posted on 2006.07.18 at 17:19
Current Mood: awake
I am indeed going to Ottawa this weekend. Going to try to make time for people, but I'm already very busy. Saturday is a party at Argyle with a combination of Peterborough and Ottawa friends. Sunday I'm going to see my old friends and their babies. On Monday I need to spend time at my dad's, packing some things and working. I'm going to spend an evening with Smames in there somewhere. If anything, I wouldn't mind a dinner date on one of those days - either Saturday before I take off to that party, or Sunday before I get picked up to go to my dad's.
I propose this: either Saturday or Sunday. So Good's on Somerset. A group of friendly faces. I'm looking at you - dj_cpi
... and whoever else is in Ottawa right now. I've got news to share. You should come.
"Personally, I'd sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the entire Encyclopedia Britannica."
I'm growing weary of my job.
Posted on 2006.06.28 at 13:43
Current Mood: cheerful
Posted on 2006.06.23 at 16:08
Current Mood: pensive
The steam of summer is finally, really here. I can hear its' quiet hissing in riverbeds and streetlamp lit patios. Bars and drunks and cool quiet air. Hard sidewalk and a shuffling walk. Two steps at a time and a slide down a metal railing. Rippling reflections on water. All the words on my page and a drugstore light. Arm touching arm in the dim glow. Taxi cab passing with shifting shadows. Skirts and toes and bare legs. Take it all in carefully and with warmth. Taste it on your palate. Keep the days long and the nights ringing with echoes.
Yesterday Andrew told me that in the town where he's from, the air is actually sweeter: "I didn't notice it until I returned. I had read that phrase in books and poetry before - the air is sweet - but I didn't know what it really meant until I went home. When you inhale, it really is sweet."
The fight in the next room has finally cooled off, and now there's talk of the Law outside my window, and the State taking our blood, and I wonder which altar my own blood will fall on.
I've taken to writing poetry in other languages:
khoy hak lao dai baw? khitwaa khoy dai.
dee diewnii jaknoy lai. jaknoy keun pay.
knoy baw yaak thaa.
taa khoy baw kheun, khoy ja tok.
Posted on 2006.06.19 at 22:57
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: drone of a dehumidifier
I am as thankful for my home in Ottawa as a I am grateful to leave it. I'm not fully satisfied with being anywhere at all right now. Peterborough is full of lovely, important people, but it's also the smell of stale smoke and cat litter, and too many drunk guys, and a sort of lost feeling that I can't quite place. Ottawa has my father's quiet house that always smells like camping, and some of my most comforting old friends, but it's also long lonely days of never getting dressed and eating bad food, and my father pressuring me to stay and picking at every small thing and just not getting it. I've been thinking about Vancouver, which holds my brother and his wife, and the obvious advantages of the sunny, bohemian West coast. It's the lack of community that gets me though - I've made some bonds one this side of the country that I don't want to sever yet.
Seems everything is like that right now. I can see the positives, and I'm drawn to them, but the negatives prevent me from really holding onto anything. I'm into things, but I'm not committed. I come across as fickle or indecisive, but I'm not changing my mind so much as I'm recognizing both sides of everything, and resigning myself to the coexistance of contrasting opinions. Take Mr. Wrong for example: it's so good and so bad at the same time, and has been that way from the beginning. The bad prevents me from thinking that this is really something real and important that I'm ever going to commit to. But the good makes me not really want to leave it anyway.
Taking the positives and negatives and just accepting them sounds like a good idea. But it makes you wonder if you're missing out on something better.
I'm so serious today...
*little tune in my head*
Posted on 2006.06.14 at 10:27
Current Mood: awake
I'm thinking of breaking it off with Mr. Wrong.
Six months ago I swore I would be happy if I could just find someone to screw on a regular basis without any of the relationship bullshit. Turns out I was wrong. This is empty empty empty.
Another revelation: I'm going to move to a new city in August or September. I had been thinking about staying, about finding a job here, about growing with this community. But I think I need out for a while - to be unsettled before I get settled.
Now I'm going to hitch-hike to Ottawa with a guy named Stink. I've made a lot of promises to go visit people, and I think I need to break some of them. Sorry guys and gals. I miss you a lot, but I'm broke and don't have a lot of time.
Posted on 2006.06.13 at 16:27
Current Mood: thoughtful
"Nobody dies from lack of sex. It's lack of love we die from."
-Margaret Atwood, of all people
Posted on 2006.05.31 at 13:19
Current Mood: satisfied
I'm almost falling off the edge of the world, just hanging in there, for you, by my fingernails.
I'm working for Historica again this summer, but not for the encyclopedia. I'm writing and collecting content for a number of high school and primary daytimers. It's a little dry, but I'm working on spicing it up.
I'm renting an office for the summer, in the back of my friend's silkscreening studio. I'm subletting it, rather, so it's cheap and roomy and far more conducive to my concentration than my house, which is dirty and smoky and full of loud people. The studio is also sometimes full of loud people, but not nearly so much. Right now I can hear a silkscreening lesson being given:
"The ink is like blood, and this is like your cock. You CAN'T get that blood on your cock."
"So this is like my ink condom?"
Convocation is tomorrow, and my mom is coming to visit today. This should be an interesting couple of days...
Posted on 2006.05.23 at 19:06
Current Mood: content
Current Music: weird instrumental metal from the other room
Currently I am sitting on a plastic chair in one of the secret bedrooms in the back of a silkscreening studio. There are comic books and LPs covering the walls, stacks of books in the corner, a pile of old protest posters on the ground, and a bucket that reads: "Pay What You Can (Only If You Can)." The room is dark because J is sleeping on the floor, on a thin piece of foam, with a stuffed animal for a pillow and a sleeping bag for a blanket, and he's clutching my foot. He's all loose little dreadlocks and sleepy comfortable squirming and warm breathing on my ankle. Oh dear.
I'm not going to Ottawa today, unfortunately. Not enough time, too much to do. I'll try to make it in a couple of days though.
Did I mention that I love you all? Because I do.
Posted on 2006.05.18 at 17:13